Guilt
by Skyleaf12
Summary: Hickorypaw is tormented my her clanmates, and bullied by the Thunderclan deputy Alderclaw, who happens to be her father. One day, her fragile world falls to pieces. To find out more, read Guilt!


**A Torrentclan challenge, (Curse for all of Us). This is the first time I'm doing multiple points of view, as well as making a longer fanfic than normal. Please review and tell me how I did.**

 **Hickorypaw POV**

My mother had always bragged to my father about them having the perfect kits, beautiful and gifted. I, of course, did not turn out that way. I was mediocre at best when it comes to hunting and fighting, and my looks, well... Were terrible to say the least. My sister was everything my mother had promised. Foxpaw was lovely, with beautiful green eyes, a petite build, and a thick lustrous russet coat that shone. And me, out do her in training? Forget about it.

But I still don't know why my father hated me. With a burning passion, you could see it in his eyes. He had turned about a third of the clan to his side, mostly the younger warriors who still worshiped their deputy. He told them I wasn't worthy of being the deputy daughter. They tormented me, taking my prey and comparing me spitefully to my littermate. I was more grateful every day for Foxpaw and Hawkpaw. My sister was as kind as they come, even with the constant pressure of our father to join the "cats fit to be in her company".

"Can't catch me!"I yelled over my shoulder, sprinting through the trees. Not looking where I was going, I ran head first into Foxpaw, who was also running from Hawkpaw. "Ow. Look where your going!" She meowed, rubbing her head.

A paw tapped me lightly on the tail. "Gotcha. Your the twoleg Hickorypaw!" The friends took off. Sighing, I began tracking their winding path. Muttering under my breath, I crawled under a prickly holly bush. Coming closer to the training hollow, I ducked behind a fern, pricking my ears. I could hear the other apprentices talking. Bunching my muscles, I prepared to jump out and scare them. I had to stifle a giggle picturing Foxpaw's normally stuck up face. The voices drifted closer.

"Thank goodness we lost Hickorypaw." Foxpaw sighed. "She's sooooooo annoying!" I froze, taken aback. _The burning eyes..._ _Why is she saying that? Hawkpaw will tell her off._ She told herself. She greatly admired the handsome tom, his broad shoulders and golden eyes made her heart melt.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. She so ugly, her legs are to short and her furs always dirty." Hawkpaw jeered. "Not like my beautiful Foxpaw." Foxpaw purred, winding around him, her lush red fur gleaming in the sunlight. _What's she doing? She knows I like him!_ I thought disparingly. "And what's up with her name? Oh no, Foxpaw I'm being attacked by a plant, Starclan help me!" The two rolled on the ground with laughter, Hawkpaw positively giddy with his own wit.

Anger bubbled up inside of me. I leaped out from my hiding place. "Why would you say that!? You jerk!" I screamed at him. At least my "sister" had the decency to look guilty. "I hope you are plagued by guilt the rest of your life!" Overcome by my grief, I ran, ignoring the paw steps chasing after me. I ran faster, tears blurring my vision. _Everything's a lie!_ Mousefang's taunts from earlier echoed in my head; " _Nobody worth half a squirrel will ever love you!"_

Suddenly, the ground vanished from under my paws. I fell through the air, screaming. Water rose over my head, the current dragging me down. I must of ran through the Windclan Border! I kicked out, paws flailing panickedly. My legs felt heavy, my air was near gone. _If my own clanmates don't want me, I have nothing to live for._ I made my decision and stopped struggling, going limp. I exhaled, the light left the world, turning it black.

My body ached, the world swaying side to side. Wait.. I cracked my eyes open, screwing them up against the harsh sunlight. Someone was carrying me! _Did they... Save me?_ I felt a rush a warmth for this cat. _I hope it's a tom..._ Before I could say anything, we stopped.

"Who's that Brackenpaw?" A gruff voice meowed hostily.

My rescuer shifted their paws nervously. "I fished her out of the stream."

The Windclan guard, I had guessed from the smell, was quiet. "All right, take her to Slashpelt."

 _Slashpelt!? Are they gonna kill me?_ I began to struggle, my claws out. "Ow! That's my ear! Slashpelt's the medicine cat, calm down you hare brained she cat!"

I opened my eyes fully, rolling off the strange apprentices back. I looked him up and down criticly. he was... stunning. His deep brown pelt was lightly striped with a even darker shade of Oak brown. Honest amber eyes peered at me from above long curving whiskers, his broad shoulders and big paws promised greater height later on. Realizing I was staring, I looked at the ground, blushing furiously. _if only I was prettier like Foxpaw. No! Don't think about her!_ I scolded myself.

A pelt brushed mine. "Hey it's okay, I would scratch me too. Imagine waking up to find some strange cat was carrying you!" He purred with amusement. _Is he making fun of me too?_ I looked up into his amber eyes, finding a friendly twinkle, none of Hawkpaw's disdaint lingered there. "Come on," Brackenpaw said, "let's get you to Slashpelt.

...

Two moons later, I was officially a member of Windclan. It took my mother a long time to figure out that I was truly happier where I was, without constantly being compared to my perfect sister. I had gotten a new mentor, Gorsebreeze, who actually liked me, and the other apprentices accepted me for who I was inside, not judging me by my looks. To my immence relief, I found I was a better hunter on the moor, chasing down the wild hares with ease, where in Thunderclan, it had not uncommon for me to come home empty pawed.

I was happy where I was. I had friends, and Brackenpaw had asked me to be his mate. And not even precious Foxpaw could take that away from me.

 **Hawkpaws POV**

I watched from the branch of Alder tree, cloaked in shadow. I knew I should feel guilty, letting the Windclan apprentice take her away, but all I felt was relief. Now me and Foxpaw would be free of her, what do you call it? Ah, her innocence. Was she really so delusional that she thought a cat like her would get anywhere in life? Yes, I decided, she was. I scrambled down the tree to tell Foxpaw the good news.

I skidded to a stop in the training hollow. "Foxpaw!" She sat with her back to me on the other side. "Foxpaw she gone! We can be together at last!" I crowed happily, coming up behind her. "Foxpaw?"

She still didn't turn around. "Where is she?" Foxpaw asked in a monotone. _Why isn't she excited? This is what she wanted._

"A Windclan apprentice took her to his camp. He pulled her out of the border stream." I said.

Her voice took on a deadly edge, "You let, a cat from another clan, take my sister, to their camp."

I had never seen her like this. What was up with her right now? "Yes?" I squeaked nervously.

She whirled around, fury lighting her gaze. Wordlessly, she ran back to camp, ignoring my worried questions. She went straight to the apprentice den, curling up in her nest pointedly, with her back to me. Confused, I lay awake. _Did I do something wrong?_

...

Three moons later and Foxpaw still wasn't talking to me. I had done every possible thing, from finding feathers for her nest, to fetching her favorite foods from the fresh-kill pile. She was icing out Alderclaw as well. Her father couldn't get through to her, trying everything I had, to no avail.

I also couldn't shake the strangest feeling. Ever since Hickorypaw had left all those moons ago, I've been plagued by an overwhelming surge of guilt. Every time I spoke, tears threatened to fall. When I ate, it came right back up. My clanmates started asking questions, so I clammed up, moving my nest to a tiny space behind the warriors den. The worst was when I went near the Windclan border. It was like all of Shadowclan had rammed me in the gut, leaving me doubled over and breathless.

Hickorypaw's parting words rung in my head on a daily basis. _"I hope you are plagued by guilt the rest of your life!" It's like a curse..._ I thought mutely. The words made their way into my dreams. They had slowly ruined my life. I could barely hunt now, and count each of my ribs. I had to talk with her at the gathering tonight. I had to.

...

I stumbled along at the back of the patrol. _Almost there, almost there, almost there..._ I chanted to myself, focusing on putting one paw in front of another. Making it across the tree bridge, the scents of Riverclan and Shadowclan bathed my tongue. Sitting down in the shadows, I waited for Windclan. The moon rose in the sky, and I was growing bored. I longed to go talk with Foxpaw like we used to, but I knew we would never be that close again.

Finally, Windclan arrived, spreading out into the other clans. I scanned the flow cats for Hickorypaw. Where was she? Getting to my paws I slid through the shadows, towards the throng of apprentices. Only a couple fox-lengths to go and the leaders started the gathering. Frusterated, I sat down, lashing my tail angrily. A pretty apprentice sat down next to me.

"Hello Hawkpaw." She meowed quietly. "It's been a long time." My jaw dropped.

"H-Hickorypaw?"I stuttered. There was no way this was Hickorypaw. The cat in front of me had a shiny hickory brown coat, with gently curving whiskers that gave her a playful air. Her eyes were the happiest leafy green I had ever seen.

She smiled sadly. "Yes. It's me."

I found myself pouring out my heart and soul, how Foxpaw thought I was in love with her sister, and I tried to show her I wasn't, how she rejected me, about the guilt, about the dreams. Hickorypaw just listened, stroking my spine understandingly. The leaders droned on. I looked up after a moment of thoughtful scilence. "Do you forgive me?" I asked.

"I forgive you. " my heart leaped in joy, my breathing all ready easier. "On one condition," I cocked my head to the side. What did she want? "You must tell Foxpaw what you told me. I'm, actually, in debt to you." Seeing my puzzled expression she laughed, a beautiful, musical sound. "If it weren't for you, I never would have found where I truly belonged."

I dipped my head. "Thank you."

"Thunderclan! We're leaving!" Alderclaw called. We stood, and parted ways once more, this time, as friends. On the way back, I ran towards the front of the patrol. _I will make this right with Foxpaw and train harder than ever._ I promised, looking up at the stars. _I swear on my spot in the stars._

 **Whew! I hope I did well on this! Please review and tell me if I should continue the story of these apprentices. If I do continue it, I will probably change the title and make this a 20- 40 chapter fanfic. Thank you for taking the time to read this!**


End file.
